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Today the beautiful bride and my wee angel took to the air for the little ones first plane trip. 2 weeks of blissful silence, hour long naps, two day parties with an option of a possible bender to make Lindsay Lohan blush.( Has she ever?). The two took off around 6:30 this morning and should be currently hovering around Huston. The baby is pretty laid back and I can only hope that her MO holds during the take-off/landings or else the bride is going to need a few doubles of her own to get her through the final flight into Tamps.

I got a few gifts for the triumphal return of my girls, my way of kissing a little ass for my (undeserved) freedom, hopefully it’ll get me good behavior points if the flights turn into wailing, tantrum filled nightmares. Or even better yet, brownie points after a successful visit with family. Not going to hold my breath for the latter as every trip back home is a Jerry Springer episode. Brother in/out of prison, comatose sister, raging gun toting heart attack stress case of a step father & a demure enabling mother. Did I give a reason as to why I’m not flying today?

For the wee lass I picked up a little pink dress (This may actually be for the beautiful bride as everything I’ve picked up is either black, covered in little skulls or combinations of the two) with a matching brimmed hat(with a little skull bow), mini Mary Jane’s and tiny leggings to keep her from freezing her arse off up here in the great white north. Yup, now that I type this out I know it’s for the bride, Mommy loves dressing this little girl up like a princess, it’s supposed to be my job to help the little girl, and future boyfriend/husband(Singular, as all of the others will disappear.), from being too high maintenance.

For the bride I have made a reservation at a spa for a three hour buff, wax, pluck, paint and massage an hour out of the city. This should give her a much needed rest with nothing to think about other then the possibility of a happy ending with the pretty little girl running her hot little fingers all over the brides body. If the happy ending falls through I have a backup plan involving a brand new spreader bar, ball gag and her favourite toys. Either way, this is going to be one very satisfied kitten.